Dodge ball.

My class played dodge ball today. For those of you lucky enough to not have heard of dodge ball, it's basically a game with two teams who throw rubber balls at each other. You get hit, you're out. You win when all the members of the opposing team are out.  I happen to hate dodge ball, which may or may not have something to do with the fact that I'm the most un-coordinated person to walk on Earth. Like, ever. But how do people even like dodge ball? All you do is get hit in the head with a ball. It's painful. And humiliating. And full of shame.

When it comes to dodge ball, there are two kinds of people in the world: those who love dodge ball and those who hate it.

I hate it.

My main aim in dodge ball is to GET OUT. If I get out, I don't have to play. I admit, I'm not the most team-spirited person, but this is honestly for the GOOD of the team. It's much, much better if I'm not on a team. Trust me.

I used to have a simple, strategic game plan when playing dodge ball. It was called: hide behind someone tall (and preferably athletic) so you don't die.It was pretty clever, if I do say so myself. And it worked too, until I discovered the flaw. Because if you hide behind people for the whole game, you don't get hit and if you don't get hit, you don't get out, and if you don't get out, you stay in. And that meant I was generally the last person on my team. Now. You may not realize the seriousness of this situation so let me explain. I don't play sports. I am just not coordinated. So, when I'm the last one on my team, it means the ENTIRE team is depending on me - and I can't even get the ball over the line, let alone hit someone with it. My arms are weak as...as...as something really weak. So they're all standing on the sidelines screaming at me to throw the ball! Throw the ball! And I walk up to the line, all weak and pathetic and throw the ball as hard where it lands at the feet of the other team who then hurl it back at me. This goes on about five to seven more times before the teacher finally takes pity on me and announces the other team wins. It's very embarrassing.

So today I was like, ha, screw that game plan! It's time for Plan B! Which was called: stand in the middle of the field and don't move. So, I just stood there for awhile, practising my British accent to myself and I STILL don't get hit. And I'm just thinking to myself: I am just standing here. I am literally a damn target. How has the ball NOT HIT ME YET? 

It's like I'm invincible! Which would rock if I didn't suck so much at dodge ball!

Is this just me? Because, I swear, everyone else just seems to adore dodge ball. What's the appeal? Doesn't anyone know that we are actually made of extremely brittle bones from lack of calcium and should not be touched by ANYTHING? Including dodge balls?? Ladies and gentleman, I implore you!


Oh. And we all hate that one kid who takes dodge ball way too seriously.