Blogging. And also, turtles.

So, I suck. At blogging, that is. I blanked on my many opinions (of course) and I didn't have anything to write about. I thought I should post about my day but my life is too boring to be considered blog worthy. So finally, as a last resort I went to Google (ah, faithful Google) for some suggestions. I stumbled upon a site called: 5 Simple Ways to Open Your Blog Post With a Bang. Well, I've already opened my blog but I thought it was better then nothing. So let's begin.

1. Ask a Question
Opening your post with a question is a rhetorical device (hence, the “rhetorical question”) that creates curiosity and gets the reader thinking. Thinking equals active engagement with your writing, and that’s a very good thing.

What's better then a question? A rhetorical question! Because you don't have to actually think to answer it! Here is a rhetorical question: aren't turtles great? That's a rhetorical question because of course turtles are great. It is an obvious answer.

STEP ONE - CHECK.
 
.2. Share an anecdote or quote
Anecdotes are quick stories that can make people laugh or immediately establish the main point of your post. A nice quote from a recognizable authority or famous person can also work wonders when holding attention in those crucial opening seconds.

Anecdote? Um, okay - last night I was on the computer. I was just wasting time and looking at pictures of turtles when my mum came in and told me to go to bed. I told her I was doing homework and she let me stay on. Isn't that humorous? Quote: 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." — Dr. Seuss

 STEP TWO - CHECK.

3. Invoke the Mind’s Eye

Producing a mental image in a reader’s mind is one of the most powerful things you can ever do as a writer, so expressly engaging the imagination is a powerful opening technique. Activate the mind’s eye of the reader by using words like “imagine,” “picture this,” “do you remember when,” etc.

Picture this: a turtle.


STEP THREE - CHECK.

4. Use an Analogy, Metaphor or Simile
Analogies, metaphors and similes are some of the most powerful devices available when it comes to telling a story in a single sentence. This is a great way to capture a reader’s attention and also acts to provoke mental imagery that allows readers to tell a story to themselves.

If this blog could swim it would be as fast as a sea turtle. Bam, simile.
In relation to my slow walkers post: turtles walk so slow,you are going the same speed as the turtle. Bam, metaphor. Isn't this capturing your attention?

STEP FOUR - CHECK.

5. Cite a Shocking Statistic
Starting off with an interesting factoid is also a great technique. People love being provided with interesting data, but only if it is unique, startling, or even shocking. The statistic should also be directly relevant to the point of your post as well.

Turtles have been on the earth for more than 200 million years. They evolved before mammals, birds, crocodiles, snakes and even lizards.

STEP FIVE - CHECK. 

And now, I will leave you with this: 

You're welcome!

Peace.

Easter

Two days ago it was Easter. Yay.

Well, I'm Catholic so of course I know the religious meaning of Easter and I like that. You know, it's nice. But I don't like actual Easter. Here are some reasons why.

- All our relatives come over and it's just not fun. I just don't fit in because they are my family and I don't fit in with my family but if I don't talk then I feel anti social and that makes me feel guilty.

- The Easter Bunny. Seriously, what the hell? Looking back, the Easter Bunny is creepy as hell. A giant rabbit hides eggs in your house or yard, then you hunt for them and when you find them you have an egg. And where the heck does this guy get the eggs? Does he lay them? That's a valid question. Isn't that with all holidays - DON'T EVER EVER EVER EVER TAKE CANDY FROM  A STRANGER....unless he's an overgrown rabbit or a man who comes down your chimney!

- When I was younger, one of my close friends swore up and down that she had seen the Easter Bunny one Easter. She said he was huge and grey with striped overalls on. Now, before this tale, I had always quite liked the EB. In my mind, he was big and bright blue with a bubble gum pink stomach. But after hearing her description of the EB, I suddenly freaked out. For some bizarre reason, this was the scariest thing I had ever heard and from then on, I hated the EB and his damn overalls.


-I hate the commercials and chocolate and advertisings plastered everywhere. Yes, chocolate is delicious. But don't over do it. Geez, supermarkets set up chocolate eggs in January these days! I'm sick of Easter before it even starts every year.


- I hate ham. I'm a peskitarian (eh, I'll post a different blog about that) and every year my family buys a huge ham. It makes me feel sick. Ham is just so...ew.


And those are a few reasons why I hate Easter. And also, because I am a pessimist, so a lot of stuff sucks. But happy Easter and I hope yours was better then mine!

Peace, Tess. xx

I have followers!

Today I logged in to find I have followers! Maybe I sound pathetic, but I was beyond excited. I can't believe it. I wanted to send all of you a message but it was all: sign in! And I signed in. But it still wouldn't let me because the universe hates me - just know, if I could, I would send you all a message.

You guys are amazing and I didn't know I would get this many views this soon, let alone followers. Thanks you guys. =)

Peace, Tess. xx

Teen Magazines

You know what I hate? When you sharpen your pencil and then it snaps. But even more then that, teen magazines. I think it's cool that they made something to encourage teenagers to read, but seriously, why is so much of it so stupid? It's all about guys, makeup tips, hair, guys, love advice, horoscopes, quizzes and guys. What's with that? Personally, I just find it insulting that they think all we care about is what nail polish is in. I think it really creates an unhealthy image about how a girl is "supposed" to look, act, feel, etc. And most of the time, it only covers mainstream culture, so girls who happen to not like Twilight and don't wear the latest shoes tend to be alienated.

First of all the magazines make it seem like the point of life is to get a man. "How to get HIM interested." "What HE likes best." I have an idea. How about teaching girls that you shouldn't change yourself to get a guy and teaching them that a relationship needs respect and communication from both sides. They write entire lists and articles on what to do and then tell you at the end to "just be yourself!" How can you be yourself when they've just given you 20 things that are completely not you guaranteed to get you a hot guy. 

Also, some of the writing really gets dumbed down, like limited vocabulary, repetitive material, and an excess of exclamation points. Makes you feel as dumb as they think you are.

Then they devote too much time to fashion and makeup. Oh, yeah, I get it, I get it. That's what us girls are into. And yeah, I like fashion. I like shopping and clothes. But I don't want to flip through 50 pages of 'makeup tips' and how to get new hairstyles.There are so many features on how to look great, be it with these clothes, this makeup, that hairstyles. But shouldn't the message be about being yourself and learning what really matters? I'm sick of seeing these articles, like it's all that matters. Occasionally you see a good article on eating disorders or something but then you turn the page and there's a page of some skinny girl that we will never look like.I know that girls like to experiment with makeup and clothes, that's fine, and sometimes these magazines have good tips. But...why so much?

Oh, and then there is how they desperately try to keep up with the times, with 'cool' lingo.Everything from 'groovy' to 'rents' is used constantly to make it sound like they're down with the times. I just think it sounds like the writers are psychos who watch too much of the Brady Bunch. I mean, I really hope no one comes up to me and goes 'hey, let's go partay with our BFFs and meet some hotties.' I would probably die laughing and then cry for humanity.

It's a vicious cycle. Teenage girls read these magazines, act out what it says, and the magazines keep printing out the same garbage because it's what the girls respond to. Meanwhile, we aren't being exposed to anything remotely challenging, new or interesting in school and people keep trying to convince us that magazines IS reading! So a majority of us don't expand our minds or think beyond what these magazines tell us.

I get that girls like these magazines. And there's nothing wrong with a little girl time, to get some new hair tips. But I think these magazines should be giving girls real advice and useful information instead of the same, useless crap again and again. And then they turn around and go on about how the younger generation doesn't read good literature or listen to good music.

End rant.