Things TV has taught me

Television has taught me many things. You very well may believe that TV is just a box that melts your brain and leaves you with greasy hair and no social skills but you're wrong. I'm sorry, but you are. As you will see from the following list, TV is actually very valuable in teaching me extremely important things. Please see the following.

.1. Diseases.
Grey's Anatomy, one of my favourite shows, has taught me about a lot of diseases. Admittedly, it has convinced me at various times that I have lupus or schizophrenia or cancer. But that's okay. The point is I know more about diseases and can now cross certain diseases off the list of 'Diseases I possibly have'.

.2. I can't sing.
Every time I finish an episode of Glee, I feel inspired to belt out a song and dance around joyously. It usually only takes me a few verses to remind myself that I actually sound like a drowning cat with tonsillitis when I sing but it's a good lesson for me. That I can't sing and therefore will avoid all school musicals and karaoke nights in order to keep whatever is left of my dignity.

.3. Don't take drugs or alcohol or steal a car or be mean to the weird boy at school.
Thank you Degrassi. Thanks to you I will not:
-Jump off a bridge and end up in the hospital for the rest of my life.
-Make a fool of myself at a school dance and throw up.
-Pay hundreds of dollars to repair a car.
-Be  a victim of a school shooting.
True, you have made me cry in the past. Sob, actually. Weep, really. But let's be honest, most things make me cry. So I think I can forgive you for that in exchange for my health and good sense. So thank you Degrassi.

.4. Pop culture references and how to egg cars.
Gilmore Girls - so many pop culture references I can make thanks to this show. It has taught me good TV references, given me good music taste, taught me to talk faster and how to egg a car. Seriously. Also it has many, many cute boys, so, bonus.

.5. Benefits of reality TV.
Survivor, while some call it 'trashy' is actually quite informative. You may meet your future husband on an island. Eating bugs is sometimes necassary while trying to survive. Grab a chicken by the feet if you want to cook it and eat it. Don't backstab people or you'll be viciously attacked at Tribal Council.

.6. How to survive in deathly situations.
I Shouldn't Be Alive is this great show about people who get stuck in these crazy situations like getting lost in the amazon or getting stranded in the desert or on a island surrounded by shark invested waters and survive. And the best part is, they're all true stories! Seriously, this show rocks and I now know how to survive if I'm ever stranded in an active volcanoe.

.7. How to solve crimes.
Monk is this detective show about a private detective with OCD. I'm pretty sure I could basically be a detective, thanks to Monk. I swear, this show is actually what made me pass my year nine science exam. One section was on forensics and I didn't even study it - I already knew it all thanks to Monk. Seriously. Best show ever.

And that's just the start! So, as you can see, TV is helpful in teaching me...stuff.

Reasons I hate Christmas. (P.S If you really love Christmas you should probably not read this post. Unless your Christmas spirt is so strong that nothing can bring you down.)

Hello! How have you all been? You've probably forgotten all about this blog considering the amount of time it's been since I last wrote. And there's no good excuse for that because I'm had plenty of time, really. For example, all I did today was watch TV online, eat dry Froot Loops, listen to sad songs and feel sorry for myself for no actual reason. 

You know, I don't even have anything to blog about. I was just listening to Macy Gray's 'Don't Forget Me' and it was like my body just snapped awake and was like, 'okay, enough fun. Time to do something productive.' So here I am. Trying to do something productive. Okay. So here we go. I'll just write about interesting things.

There's nothing interesting to write about though.

School is over. So I have roughly six beautiful weeks of pure laziness and Tumblr surfing. And Christmas. Except I kind of hate Christmas. Hey, I'm going to write about why I hate Christmas! This year I spent a lot of time ranting to the girl who sat next to me about the stuff I hate and she loved it. She found it funny. Plus this is my blog so I get to write about whatever I want. So there.

Anyway. Reasons I hate Christmas. Here we go!

.1. Christmas trees.

Christmas trees used to be fun. My family always buys a real one. And I mean, that's fine. I even find the fake ones kind of tacky, plus, real ones smell good. And since I like naming things, I always secretly name our tree which is easier when it's real. (This year I named it Hazel. It definitely looks like a Hazel to me.) But now it just kind of sucks. We got a tree and wrestled it into the house, leaving a sticky trail of loose pine needles and stood it upright in the corner. We then spent about 15 minutes trying to get it straight, locked it into place and realized it was crooked. Very crooked. So we shoved some books under two of the corners of the tree stand and moved on.

Decorating. This was also kind of sucky. We realized too late the number of gaping holes in Hazel but did our best to cover them up with tinsel and lights. (What's the deal with tinsel, anyway? It's kind of ugly.) Some of the lights were broken so it's a little sparse but okay. The star is tipping sideways, the tinsel was forgotten and left off the tree and the decorations (most of them cardboard ones my siblings and I made as children) are constantly slipping off. We even tried to listen to Bing Crosby to bring up the Christmas mood! But we realized it was no use. None of us were really into this project. God. I mean, when Bing Crosby doesn't work, you know it's over.

So despite the real tree and the scent of pine and the traditional decorations, none of it really helped mask the truth. That our Christmas spirit kind of died a few years back and  that Hazel was really just a tree with holes that we'd mutilated, half heartedly decorated and would later kick to the curb when her pine needles turned brown and crunchy. It was just depressing.

 .2. Christmas parties.

Ohh, the agony. The work parties for the adults. The school parties thrown by people you don't care about from school for the kids. The family parties where your Uncle Bryan tells those lame knock knock jokes and then gets drunk and crashes on the couch. The neighbourhood parties. I mean, I just want to go home everyday and watch Confessions of a Shopaholic and Casablanca in peace and be anti social and Scrooge-like. Not stroll down the street to the neighbourhood party and chat awkwardly with people you barely know, where everyone is secretly wondering who the hell arranged this thing.

.3. The shops. 

The evilness of Christmas in a nutshell. The stores cram Christmas down your throat on September 1st. They string up the tinsel, set up the artificial trees, jam new products on shelves, set up carts of cards. 'Hey look! Christmas is coming up! Come buy our crap for people you hate and get in the spirit of XMAS! Get in the spirit! Get the spirit! GET IN THE SPIRIT!' Pardon me, but I prefer to get into the spirit of Christmas sometime in December. Also, I would like to go into a regular store and buy some bug spray without having a slightly maniacal shop assistant rush up and ask me whether I've bought Christmas gifts for my loved ones yet.

.4. Christmas movies.

Don't they suck? There are the classics, which are okay, like 'It's A Wonderful Life' and 'Miracle on 34th Street'. But then. Oh boy. Then come the remakes, the new ones, the animated ones. It's a cheap and tacky excuse to make lame movies that completely miss the point of Christmas. And the remakes always ruin the original.

 

.5. Political correctness.

Be careful how you decorate your yard this year, guys. I'd take down that Santa if I was you. That nativity scene is a big no-no. Oh, and those carols have to go. I mean, hey. You don't want to offend anyone.

It's ridiculous! You put up any decorations that symbolize YOU! Not a religion or cause you can't even spell. It's a free country and I'll put Santa's sleigh on my roof if I want to and you can't stop me! Not that I would ever do that. 

Anyway. I just think it's all stupid. It's like people go out looking for something to be offended by. My friend was told by her boss the other day to stop saying 'Merry Christmas' to customers since they might get offended. OFFENDED. It was a friendly saying! It doesn't mean, hey, here's my religion and my beliefs, I demand you follow them as well! It means 'Happy Holidays'. It shouldn't be an issue but it is. Everything is an issue today and you know what, it's just taking over Christmas. And those people who celebrate Christmas but get offended by the sight of a nativity scene? What are you celebrating? You know Christmas is about Jesus' birth, right? If you don't, what are celebrating? Ugh. I hate it all. We do so much to make everyone feel comfortable that we forget our own comfort. 

.6. Christmas shopping.

The madness begins the second the stores snap into Christmas-mode. It begins in September and doesn't end until December 25th. Or often early January. And it's crazy! Parents rush around ramming strollers over your feet, fights erupt over which mother gets the very last new Fairy-Princess Barbie doll, the stores are brimming with eager, desperate or smug shoppers. Oh and there's the whole gift thing. It's all about money. How much do you love me? 'Oh, you made me a photo album scrapbook thing  with all our precious memories in it? But...it didn't cost anything. Oh, I get it! You don't love me at all!'

Ahem. I'm sorry. I know I sound like a Scrooge. And I know I should just put all that behind me and be like 'Christmas is about spending time with your family and spreading the love'. And I'm all about that. (As long as nobody hugs me.) I really am. I could be into Christmas if it was, I don't know, genuine and true again. But the problem is that it's not that simple anyway. You can't avoid the stores or the carols or the newspaper articles arguing what's right and wrong when it comes to decorations. 

Anyway. Have a lovely holiday if you're celebrating one (check out how politically correct that was!) and hope you enjoyed this post despite the lateness and the hate. 

Promise to update soon,

Tess. x