Blogging. And also, turtles.

So, I suck. At blogging, that is. I blanked on my many opinions (of course) and I didn't have anything to write about. I thought I should post about my day but my life is too boring to be considered blog worthy. So finally, as a last resort I went to Google (ah, faithful Google) for some suggestions. I stumbled upon a site called: 5 Simple Ways to Open Your Blog Post With a Bang. Well, I've already opened my blog but I thought it was better then nothing. So let's begin.

1. Ask a Question
Opening your post with a question is a rhetorical device (hence, the “rhetorical question”) that creates curiosity and gets the reader thinking. Thinking equals active engagement with your writing, and that’s a very good thing.

What's better then a question? A rhetorical question! Because you don't have to actually think to answer it! Here is a rhetorical question: aren't turtles great? That's a rhetorical question because of course turtles are great. It is an obvious answer.

STEP ONE - CHECK.
 
.2. Share an anecdote or quote
Anecdotes are quick stories that can make people laugh or immediately establish the main point of your post. A nice quote from a recognizable authority or famous person can also work wonders when holding attention in those crucial opening seconds.

Anecdote? Um, okay - last night I was on the computer. I was just wasting time and looking at pictures of turtles when my mum came in and told me to go to bed. I told her I was doing homework and she let me stay on. Isn't that humorous? Quote: 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." — Dr. Seuss

 STEP TWO - CHECK.

3. Invoke the Mind’s Eye

Producing a mental image in a reader’s mind is one of the most powerful things you can ever do as a writer, so expressly engaging the imagination is a powerful opening technique. Activate the mind’s eye of the reader by using words like “imagine,” “picture this,” “do you remember when,” etc.

Picture this: a turtle.


STEP THREE - CHECK.

4. Use an Analogy, Metaphor or Simile
Analogies, metaphors and similes are some of the most powerful devices available when it comes to telling a story in a single sentence. This is a great way to capture a reader’s attention and also acts to provoke mental imagery that allows readers to tell a story to themselves.

If this blog could swim it would be as fast as a sea turtle. Bam, simile.
In relation to my slow walkers post: turtles walk so slow,you are going the same speed as the turtle. Bam, metaphor. Isn't this capturing your attention?

STEP FOUR - CHECK.

5. Cite a Shocking Statistic
Starting off with an interesting factoid is also a great technique. People love being provided with interesting data, but only if it is unique, startling, or even shocking. The statistic should also be directly relevant to the point of your post as well.

Turtles have been on the earth for more than 200 million years. They evolved before mammals, birds, crocodiles, snakes and even lizards.

STEP FIVE - CHECK. 

And now, I will leave you with this: 

You're welcome!

Peace.

Easter

Two days ago it was Easter. Yay.

Well, I'm Catholic so of course I know the religious meaning of Easter and I like that. You know, it's nice. But I don't like actual Easter. Here are some reasons why.

- All our relatives come over and it's just not fun. I just don't fit in because they are my family and I don't fit in with my family but if I don't talk then I feel anti social and that makes me feel guilty.

- The Easter Bunny. Seriously, what the hell? Looking back, the Easter Bunny is creepy as hell. A giant rabbit hides eggs in your house or yard, then you hunt for them and when you find them you have an egg. And where the heck does this guy get the eggs? Does he lay them? That's a valid question. Isn't that with all holidays - DON'T EVER EVER EVER EVER TAKE CANDY FROM  A STRANGER....unless he's an overgrown rabbit or a man who comes down your chimney!

- When I was younger, one of my close friends swore up and down that she had seen the Easter Bunny one Easter. She said he was huge and grey with striped overalls on. Now, before this tale, I had always quite liked the EB. In my mind, he was big and bright blue with a bubble gum pink stomach. But after hearing her description of the EB, I suddenly freaked out. For some bizarre reason, this was the scariest thing I had ever heard and from then on, I hated the EB and his damn overalls.


-I hate the commercials and chocolate and advertisings plastered everywhere. Yes, chocolate is delicious. But don't over do it. Geez, supermarkets set up chocolate eggs in January these days! I'm sick of Easter before it even starts every year.


- I hate ham. I'm a peskitarian (eh, I'll post a different blog about that) and every year my family buys a huge ham. It makes me feel sick. Ham is just so...ew.


And those are a few reasons why I hate Easter. And also, because I am a pessimist, so a lot of stuff sucks. But happy Easter and I hope yours was better then mine!

Peace, Tess. xx

I have followers!

Today I logged in to find I have followers! Maybe I sound pathetic, but I was beyond excited. I can't believe it. I wanted to send all of you a message but it was all: sign in! And I signed in. But it still wouldn't let me because the universe hates me - just know, if I could, I would send you all a message.

You guys are amazing and I didn't know I would get this many views this soon, let alone followers. Thanks you guys. =)

Peace, Tess. xx

Teen Magazines

You know what I hate? When you sharpen your pencil and then it snaps. But even more then that, teen magazines. I think it's cool that they made something to encourage teenagers to read, but seriously, why is so much of it so stupid? It's all about guys, makeup tips, hair, guys, love advice, horoscopes, quizzes and guys. What's with that? Personally, I just find it insulting that they think all we care about is what nail polish is in. I think it really creates an unhealthy image about how a girl is "supposed" to look, act, feel, etc. And most of the time, it only covers mainstream culture, so girls who happen to not like Twilight and don't wear the latest shoes tend to be alienated.

First of all the magazines make it seem like the point of life is to get a man. "How to get HIM interested." "What HE likes best." I have an idea. How about teaching girls that you shouldn't change yourself to get a guy and teaching them that a relationship needs respect and communication from both sides. They write entire lists and articles on what to do and then tell you at the end to "just be yourself!" How can you be yourself when they've just given you 20 things that are completely not you guaranteed to get you a hot guy. 

Also, some of the writing really gets dumbed down, like limited vocabulary, repetitive material, and an excess of exclamation points. Makes you feel as dumb as they think you are.

Then they devote too much time to fashion and makeup. Oh, yeah, I get it, I get it. That's what us girls are into. And yeah, I like fashion. I like shopping and clothes. But I don't want to flip through 50 pages of 'makeup tips' and how to get new hairstyles.There are so many features on how to look great, be it with these clothes, this makeup, that hairstyles. But shouldn't the message be about being yourself and learning what really matters? I'm sick of seeing these articles, like it's all that matters. Occasionally you see a good article on eating disorders or something but then you turn the page and there's a page of some skinny girl that we will never look like.I know that girls like to experiment with makeup and clothes, that's fine, and sometimes these magazines have good tips. But...why so much?

Oh, and then there is how they desperately try to keep up with the times, with 'cool' lingo.Everything from 'groovy' to 'rents' is used constantly to make it sound like they're down with the times. I just think it sounds like the writers are psychos who watch too much of the Brady Bunch. I mean, I really hope no one comes up to me and goes 'hey, let's go partay with our BFFs and meet some hotties.' I would probably die laughing and then cry for humanity.

It's a vicious cycle. Teenage girls read these magazines, act out what it says, and the magazines keep printing out the same garbage because it's what the girls respond to. Meanwhile, we aren't being exposed to anything remotely challenging, new or interesting in school and people keep trying to convince us that magazines IS reading! So a majority of us don't expand our minds or think beyond what these magazines tell us.

I get that girls like these magazines. And there's nothing wrong with a little girl time, to get some new hair tips. But I think these magazines should be giving girls real advice and useful information instead of the same, useless crap again and again. And then they turn around and go on about how the younger generation doesn't read good literature or listen to good music.

End rant.

High school sucks. Also, it's full of fakes.

It seems going to school has made most of the people stupider, as I suspected. I can't even start to think about where to start writing about all the things that suck about  high school. The teachers? The carbon copy clone students? The constant pressure? The endless days?

Let's start with sport, my most hated pastime. It's no lie that I'm not particularly sporty. You can probably tell by just looking at me. I can just feel the P.E teachers sizing me up. 'Look at those weak arms', they think to themselves, 'this must be the girl all the sport teachers are talking about. The one who trips on air and passes the ball to the other team.' Already they hate me. And to be honest, they have reason to. I can injure someone by just looking at a piece of sporting equipment. Pathetic.

And then there's the teachers. Is there ever a really good one? Rarely. I'm yet to come across one. First there are those spiteful ones - is that a student laughing? Quick - put them on the spot and humiliate them! And then there are the slowest talkers ever. My maths teacher takes about 501 years to tell us what to do for homework.
"So, probably the -ah- best, er thing, to, ah, do at the moment, is to try your hand at...ah...shall we the say...6th? No! Silly me! No, the 7th...yes, the 7th exercise of, ah, er, ah, chapter 2." And it's the biggest waste of time because not one single person does the maths homework. I feel like yelling something at them. For e.g. HURRY UP.

And let's not forget the students! I can't handle the many obnoxious, shallow, narrow-minded people. All I see are people who can't think for themselves, and it seriously irritates me.They're so scared of just being themselves and it's ridiculous. 6 years of your life, wasted. Gone. Because you refused to think for yourself. What should they write on your grave? 'Here lies such and such, she had good hair and always wore the right clothes'? Do these people think their classmates will go home and think about how great Janey's hair looked today? I can't make it through one day without glaring at people's backs in the hallway, thinking about how much I detest them. (I can see the entrance to hell already.) It's horrible, I know, but it's just everything about them. Everyone is just so fake and they're all like clones or something, the main priority is fitting in. They just hide in the shell of a stranger to scared to step out. I'm not saying it's easy to be yourself and stand up for what you believe in but ack, it's just so infuriating to see these people 5 days a week. Rage.

And that's my pessimistic tale for the day.

Loud Breathers

Loud breathers annoy me. And I don't mean people who have a cold or allergies, but people who just do this all the time.

I regret to tell you my very own father is a loud breather. The worst case I have ever seen. Heard? Whatever the case, it drives me insane. I mean, it is really bad. Incredibly loud. Unbearably loud. I mean, I can hear it from rooms away. That can't be healthy. I literally cannot stand it - I don't know what it is about loud breathing that makes my blood boil but I can't stand it. I have to leave the room or block my ears as discreetly as possible.Gah. Probably my biggest pet peeve ever.

It's okay if your a loud breather though. We can still be friends. We just...won't talk to each that often, okay?

Peace, Tess. xx

Confession time

Okay. Confession time - I kind of love words. It's weird. I love the way they string together to make sentences, to make stories. Words are powerful. They build things up, they tear things down. When words are read, to me they aren't just characters and nouns and verbs. They are thoughts, feelings, emotions that help inspire, encourage and motivate.

Words can change everything. Three little words that can mean so much - 'I love you.' How often do we say these words? Three words carry so much emotion. Its a little bizarre when you think about it.

I like to think of words like flowers. You plant a tiny seed in the ground. One word. And over time, with care, that seed grows into a little green plant, just poking it's head out of the earth. A sentence. And eventually it blossoms into a  full, beautiful flower. A poem, a story, a song.

So there's a (sort of) logical reason for why I love words. And the not so logical part? My favourite words. I have no real reason for loving these words, but I do.

Artichoke. Atrocious. Astounding. Hyperbole. Zephyr. Gossamer. Wisteria. Alas. Poetic. Come on, say them! Trust me. It's fun.


And now you know my weird love for words. Obviously, I am a freak. And also, if you tell anyone about this I will deny it!